today i was able to go a little slower and live in the present moment. Carter was having a hard time going down for his nap this morning so i picked him up and cuddled him in our bed until he fell asleep. those little eyes finally shut and my immediate thought, "to do list, here i come!" as i went to slide out my arm from underneath my baby something stopped me. instead of tackling my to-do list, i had the thought that i should lay next to my peacefully sleeping baby and enjoy him in the moment. and that's just what i did.
it was amazing to me how many times i forgot what i was doing. i literally had to remind myself over and over that i was not going to do anything but take in my adorable baby. thoughts would pop in mind,
"i should go exercise"
"wait, no i'm laying here with Carter."
5 minutes later
"oh i need to go fold the whites"
"wait, no. i'm laying here with Carter."
this happened about 5 times when my brain finally got the message. i took a couple deep breaths, removed my jumbled, busy day out of my mind and starred at my baby. i rubbed my finger across his growing eye lashes and smothered him with my hugs and kisses causing him to stir. it's possible that i kissed his cheeks 1,000 times. i thought about how much i love this tiny human. how much he has changed my life forever and how 99% of my thoughts are centered on him. i examined each little peach fuzz hair on his face and laughed at his chubby cheeks squishing his lips.
my mind was taken back to this talk i listened to earlier in the week. this profound part kept running through my mind:
Isn’t it true that we often get so busy? And, sad to say, we even wear our busyness as a badge of honor, as though being busy, by itself, was an accomplishment or sign of a superior life.
"the precious gift of His time." that part strikes a cord in me every time i read it. possibly because since i have become a mother, i have seen how truly precious our time is. it's been a persisting thought these days- "how to use my time most wisely." i wish i had an answer to this question. i am working on it.
but what i do know is that i want my children to know their infinite value, i want them to feel important and loved, i want to lift them up, heal them, teach them, love them, and never be so concerned with my to-do list that i miss opportunities to lay in bed with them, kiss their soft cheeks, smother them with hugs and examine the peach fuzz on their face.