on this day 12/12/12

it was a pretty big day around here. Carter turned 1 month old today. my mom also reminded me that this day (12/12/12/) is not coming again for another hundred years. that's pretty nifty if you ask me.

Carter and I celebrated by giving him a yummy bath and having dessert with friends. 

dessert may have been more of a treat for me than him but i promise he enjoyed it :)

he decided he was hungry just as we snapped a shot.  

is it bad that his little crying face kind of cracks me up?

it's been a pretty incredible experience with this little one so far. 

i can't believe how much he has taught me in such a short amount of time.

it was crazy to me that until now, i was counting my son's life in "days."

i'm also still wrapping my mind around the fact that this precious little human is

"my son."

i will think about this little one every day for the rest of my life.

he's my world now. 

my little buddy. 

when i was pregnant, this thought was overwhelming to me.

but now, i can't help but smile when i think about it.

i get to count his 10 fingers and 10 toes every day,

smell his yummy newborn skin,

adore those cute almond eyes,

and snuggle my face into those growing cheeks.

my whole life, i've heard people say being a mother is the hardest thing i will ever do.

those people are right.

this past month was one of the most challenging months i have ever experienced.

i'm not sure if it is like that for every new mother

but it was for me.

everything was so new.

the moments of 

questioning myself 

far outweighed the moments of confidence and assurance.

many times, i felt at a loss.

daron would ask me,

"what should we do??"

and so many times the only response i could muster was,

"i don't know. i don't know."

 that seemed to be the answer to about every question daron had for me over the past month ha. 

but after only 4 short weeks,

i can already say it is getting better.

the confidence is not fully there.

(i don't know if you are ever 100% confident with everything)

but the confidence is growing

bit by bit.

and i gotta say, this feels good. 

really good.

*happy 1 month Carter. mama loves and adores you. she really really does.