Merry Christmas and a Happy Holidays! -from mr. Snowman

this is mr. snowman. i found him at the festival of trees. 

did you know that i love snowmen??

i especially love this one.

his little skinny legs with this plump round body.

he makes me laugh.

snowmen are my Christmas addiction. 

who is to blame for this?

my mother.

my mom had snowmen everywhere.

during Christmas time.
you could say, it was her thing.

one year, in elementary school, i counted every snowman there was in the house

-even the ones on the Christmas plates and silverware-

i remember losing count after 800 and something.
(the things that entertain you at that age...)

the point is, my mom loved snowmen and now i do.

isn't it funny how we are so intricately connected to our homes while growing up

but we (most of the time) don't realize the impact until later??

it takes us a while to realize how much our surroundings shape
who we are. 
i have been in a contemplated state quite often lately.
about:
-my husband
-my marriage
-my home
-the woman i am and the woman i want to become


one thing i have noticed
(due to the ever so vulnerable state of marriage,
a home, and well...this blog)
is how much i lack in the
whole "nesting" area of the whole
wife thing.
(nothing new. i have said this before).
however, since i am traditional, 
i feel essentially it is my duty to clean,
cook, decorate, make a house a home.
i think growing up i thought
"i'm going to be good at all those things because, well, i'm a girl. so i just will be."
i'm learning that that isn't really how it works. 


the truth is.
DUN
DUN
DUN
i'm not.
homemaking is not natural for me just because i am a girl.
it's not natural at all.


a while ago, i remember talking with my sister-in-law ellery
(who, mind you, is a homemaking GURU) and she was expressing how content she is when she can spend all day in her home. she described how she could spend hours rearranging her home. moving things around to see what looks better, walking around thrift stores for new additions she could add, updating decor with the seasons, etc etc.


i remember, like it was yesterday, the feeling i had as she told me this.
it was- complete shock.
it occurred to me...
it never crosses my mind to rearrange things in my home...or add things, or shift things, or just move something to see if it would look better.
honestly, never.
that thought isn't even on my radar.


daron and i have wreaths that correlate with the seasons
 cause of our mothers.
who bring them to us.
we have live living plants cause daron waters them.
our house is decorated because daron forced me to.
(maybe not forced..but motivated?)


this part of me is most apparent around the holidays.
when we still have a bare naked tree with a bare naked house.
i haven't thought about gifts for
-daron
-my siblings
-or friends
i saw "tinsel" on someone's blog the other day and googled it to double check i knew what that was. 


i love Christmas.
I DO.
but why do i love it?


i don't get giddy thinking about decorating my house.
i like the end product. but the thought of doing it is exhausting
and daunting. 
i don't think about shopping, or tinsel, or ornaments.
my mom told me i was in charge of daron's stocking this year
and i about died.
what in the world am i going to put in his stocking?
i realize this is easy for most of you...
but not me.
a midst all of this, i can say there are things that i do know.
i know that i love Christmas
because of what it represents. 
i know i love having a time that is dedicated to remembering my 
Savior even more than other times of the year.
i know i love the joy that is felt during this holiday season.
i know i love the incredible stories of service that happen
because we are remembering Him.
i know i love the hymns that are sung.
i know i love the palpable increase in love among family members and friends.
i know i love the memories that are created because of this holiday.
i know i love snowmen
and toffee bark.

i know there are countless reasons why i love Christmas.
i just don't think i have figured out the whole commercial part yet.
i haven't figured out the traditions i want for mine and daron's small family.
or the best combinations of decor, lights, and snowmen with the true meaning of Christmas.
i haven't figured out how i want my (future) children to remember this time of year
when they become my age.
it will have an impact on them and it is up to me to show them
what Christmas is about.
i haven't figured out how i can, in my own way, make this holiday
be special to me and represent who we are.
i haven't figured it out.
but let the quest begin...