time

i'm in bed with my lover. he is eating his second dinner while watching shark week on his new phone. (i was unsuccessful at filling him up. that hasn't happened for a while). i am feeling grateful for him as he shoveled our driveway in the freezing, wet snow today and took care of our sweet baby as i made a run for the grocery store. 

today i was able to go a little slower and live in the present moment. Carter was having a hard time going down for his nap this morning so i picked him up and cuddled him in our bed until he fell asleep. those little eyes finally shut and my immediate thought, "to do list, here i come!" as i went to slide out my arm from underneath my baby something stopped me. instead of tackling my to-do list, i had the thought that i should lay next to my peacefully sleeping baby and enjoy him in the moment. and that's just what i did.

it was amazing to me how many times i forgot what i was doing. i literally had to remind myself over and over that i was not going to do anything but take in my adorable baby. thoughts would pop in mind, 

"i should go exercise"

"wait, no i'm laying here with Carter."

5 minutes later

"oh i need to go fold the whites"

"wait, no. i'm laying here with Carter."

this happened about 5 times when my brain finally got the message. i took a couple deep breaths, removed my jumbled, busy day out of my mind and starred at my baby. i rubbed my finger across his growing eye lashes and smothered him with my hugs and kisses causing him to stir. it's possible that i kissed his cheeks 1,000 times. i thought about how much i love this tiny human. how much he has changed my life forever and how 99% of my thoughts are centered on him. i examined each little peach fuzz hair on his face and laughed at his chubby cheeks squishing his lips. 

my mind was taken back to this talk i listened to earlier in the week. this profound part kept running through my mind:

Isn’t it true that we often get so busy? And, sad to say, we even wear our busyness as a badge of honor, as though being busy, by itself, was an accomplishment or sign of a superior life.

Is it?

I think of our Lord and Exemplar, Jesus Christ, and His short life among the people of Galilee and Jerusalem. I have tried to imagine Him bustling between meetings or multitasking to get a list of urgent things accomplished.

I can’t see it.

Instead I see the compassionate and caring Son of God purposefully living each day. When He interacted with those around Him, they felt important and loved. He knew the infinite value of the people He met. He blessed them, ministered to them. He lifted them up, healed them. He gave them the precious gift of His time.

"the precious gift of His time." that part strikes a cord in me every time i read it. possibly because since i have become a mother, i have seen how truly precious our time is. it's been a persisting thought these days- "how to use my time most wisely." i wish i had an answer to this question. i am working on it. 

but what i do know is that i want my children to know their infinite value, i want them to feel important and loved, i want to lift them up, heal them, teach them, love them, and never be so concerned with my to-do list that i miss opportunities to lay in bed with them, kiss their soft cheeks, smother them with hugs and examine the peach fuzz on their face.