time

i'm in bed with my lover. he is eating his second dinner while watching shark week on his new phone. (i was unsuccessful at filling him up. that hasn't happened for a while). i am feeling grateful for him as he shoveled our driveway in the freezing, wet snow today and took care of our sweet baby as i made a run for the grocery store. 

today i was able to go a little slower and live in the present moment. Carter was having a hard time going down for his nap this morning so i picked him up and cuddled him in our bed until he fell asleep. those little eyes finally shut and my immediate thought, "to do list, here i come!" as i went to slide out my arm from underneath my baby something stopped me. instead of tackling my to-do list, i had the thought that i should lay next to my peacefully sleeping baby and enjoy him in the moment. and that's just what i did.

it was amazing to me how many times i forgot what i was doing. i literally had to remind myself over and over that i was not going to do anything but take in my adorable baby. thoughts would pop in mind, 

"i should go exercise"

"wait, no i'm laying here with Carter."

5 minutes later

"oh i need to go fold the whites"

"wait, no. i'm laying here with Carter."

this happened about 5 times when my brain finally got the message. i took a couple deep breaths, removed my jumbled, busy day out of my mind and starred at my baby. i rubbed my finger across his growing eye lashes and smothered him with my hugs and kisses causing him to stir. it's possible that i kissed his cheeks 1,000 times. i thought about how much i love this tiny human. how much he has changed my life forever and how 99% of my thoughts are centered on him. i examined each little peach fuzz hair on his face and laughed at his chubby cheeks squishing his lips. 

my mind was taken back to this talk i listened to earlier in the week. this profound part kept running through my mind:

Isn’t it true that we often get so busy? And, sad to say, we even wear our busyness as a badge of honor, as though being busy, by itself, was an accomplishment or sign of a superior life.

Is it?

I think of our Lord and Exemplar, Jesus Christ, and His short life among the people of Galilee and Jerusalem. I have tried to imagine Him bustling between meetings or multitasking to get a list of urgent things accomplished.

I can’t see it.

Instead I see the compassionate and caring Son of God purposefully living each day. When He interacted with those around Him, they felt important and loved. He knew the infinite value of the people He met. He blessed them, ministered to them. He lifted them up, healed them. He gave them the precious gift of His time.

"the precious gift of His time." that part strikes a cord in me every time i read it. possibly because since i have become a mother, i have seen how truly precious our time is. it's been a persisting thought these days- "how to use my time most wisely." i wish i had an answer to this question. i am working on it. 

but what i do know is that i want my children to know their infinite value, i want them to feel important and loved, i want to lift them up, heal them, teach them, love them, and never be so concerned with my to-do list that i miss opportunities to lay in bed with them, kiss their soft cheeks, smother them with hugs and examine the peach fuzz on their face. 

our friday night

did i scare you? 

 cause i sure scared myself. 

it takes quite a bit for me to take these tests. i have to have a very good reason to believe that there is a high chance for a positive. friday night, i couldn't take it anymore. i made daron first drive to smiths (where they were all out.. only in utah) then to walmart because i needed to know once and for all.

just before i took the test, i knew. i knew i wasn't pregnant but at that point i needed the 100% confirmation. i brought the test out to daron to show him the results. 

me- "we don't have to worry. we're okay."

daron- (with a sad face) 

"there's a little part of me that's disappointed."

me- "ha yeah, like 2%"

daron- "hm. no. more like 25"

25!?

i was shocked. part of me still struggles to believe him. but then again, i shouldn't be too surprised considering the fact that this is the same man that told me it made him so excited to think of me being pregnant again when Carter was a meager 6 weeks old. 

i told my mom what daron said and how it practically gave me a heart attack to even think about and she laughed saying this was yet another experience that proved how perfect daron is for me. our marriage, our life, our family, everything is very far from perfect but i can say that this guy is perfect for me. when i am a scared, he is brave. when he is all worked up, i am calm. i look back and think about how i chose who i wanted to spend eternity with at the ripe old age of 19. yes, i am only 23 now. but doesn't 19 sound so young!? my mom told me it would ... mothers...they are always right. how grateful i am that at 19 i at least had my head on somewhat straight, cause i have to say, i picked a good one.

over the weekend.

it was a good weekend with the

Grandma & Grandpa

in town.

one of my favorite parts was watching

steve a.k.a. Grandpa 

play

"mr. whale"

with Carter. 

(something my dad would never do)

love you dad :)

we all have our strengths right!?

as promised, there was also some quality father son time.

 

and after what seemed like years of convincing, daron finally agreed

to make the trek up to the sundance film festival in park city

for our friend, chelsea's, birthday dinner.

once we got there, i kind of saw how we might be a little nuts taking our 2 month old

especially without a beloved ergo carrier.

(i have got to get me one of those!) 

^my really nice husband carrying that thing

the entire length of park city main street

(up and down)

 

the "we are nuts" feeling went quickly after we finally found a parking spot and entered the hustle and bustle of park city main street. i couldn't stop "ooo"ing and "awe"ing at the gorgeous lights in the windows,

the anticipation of just maybe i'll see a famous person (!), 

and the energy of that street.

 

then, a terrible moment happened.

i was so concerned about daron 

eating it on the ice while carrying
our newborn
 that i missed

this guy-

walking right past me!

sad sad day.

of course, a previously (very grumpy "i don't want to go") daron

spots him. 

.that would happen.

 

anywho, the night was wonderful despite my failure of a celebrity sighting.

we ate at VINTO

and celebrated chelsea's 24th.

 

 

after dinner, we had to stop at rocky mountain chocolate factory.

as we were waiting in quite the line, i noticed a lady eyeing Carter's car seat

then me. her eyes would go back to the car seat then back at me.

eventually i gave her a small smile

like

"i see you" :)

she looks up and says,

"wow, you are a brave mom.

how old is your baby?"

uh oh.

here it comes.

"oh, yeah."

.awkward chuckle.

 "he is 2 months."

she gives me a look.

(you know, that one where people try and act like they are not shocked/judging you

but it just can't be helped).

"wow! you get the bravest mom award!"

she says.

"my kids are at home.

i couldn't bring them here."

"oh yeah... pretty understandable."

***i'm getting the feeling that "brave" was code for "crazy"??

possibly?

just a hunch.

the next night, was more celebration of chelsea's birthday.

can we just change the word

birthDAY

to

bithWEEK 

already>?

 

i mean, c'mon, everyone knows it's 

way more fun to do birthday week

than just birthday.
hope it was a good one chels!

 

a few highlights from 2012

uhhh...is january really almost over?? how did that happen? we may be well into the new year of 2013, but i can't help but go back and reminisce on some of my favorite moments of twenty twelve:

~finding out about our first bun in the oven in the smith's grocery store bathroom all by myself. long story. not how i pictured that moment going but hey, life happens.

^i completely forgot i had this picture. 

but this is totally how i remember feeling,

like,
"is this real? this plastic stick changes my life forever?
that can't be..."

~convincing my husband that i did not buy a "fake positive pregnancy test." this was real. i really was pregnant. ha! that also did not go how i pictured it.

~realizing this tiny baby growing inside me was the size of a grain of rice.

and witnessing for myself that life is a miracle.

~announcing many times that we were expecting. one my favorite is this video of my family. they were all there (!!) (except my dad who refused to cooperate with our scheming and went to the grocery store last second...sigh) this was so special to me. daron and i made the 13 hour drive to clovis, CA so we could be with everyone for easter and make the announcement. we debated back and forth whether we should make this very impractical trip. i can't tell you how glad i am that impractical won. what is life without moments like these? 

i still shake my head that no one believe us... it's true we were not trying for a baby. but i thought someone would believe daron!

~finding out the very next day that my sister Shalice and her husband Trevor were also expecting and that we were 1 week apart. this made all 3 "original" Pugmire girls pregnant at the same time. what a year!

~seeing daron's sisters reaction to the big news. daron's sisters constantly kept telling me and daron that they wanted to be aunts. so, we put little sticker ants in their hands to make them realize their dream of being "ants" was finally coming true.

and last but not least! telling best friends about baby boy arriving in nov 2012

~becoming an official BYU alumni with daron in april.

~living with my sister for 4 months over the summer. lucky daron got to live with not ONE pregnant woman but TWO! ;) i have to say i did feel bad for trevor and daron, but i was one happy camper. who can complain about a 24/7 friend?

~the summer of 2012 was definitely the "summer at the lake." daron was in heaven.

~welcoming home friends from italy and france.

~celebrating our 23rd and 26th birthdays!
i got to celebrate again with my birthday twin...

and daron really surprised my 7 months pregnant self with his gift. 

(oh that hair ... literally every year daron wakes me up at the break of dawn to give me his gift. maybe we should change that habit?)

~going through 34 hours of natural labor to bring Carter Lee Young from heaven to earth. wowza! labor...so much to say on that topic i, ironically, have nothing to say at the same time. all i can say is, "women are warriors"

^and thank heavens for this guy...

~meeting our son for the very first time. an experience that will be imprinted on my mind forever. 

~naming Carter. can we have a round of  applause for me and daron? we agreed on a name before we left the hospital. i'm still proud of us for doing that. thanks to my mom asking how the different names could get made fun of, daron said "well, there's carter farter." i laughed so hard i cried and it oddly made me fall in love with the name. so with that and the gumption to commit, we decided on Carter Lee Young.

~Carter flashing us his first genuine smile.

~and my personal favorite, watching daron love and serve our son each and every single day.

oh 2012, what a year. truly. as over half of the points all pertain to the new babe that entered our family, i think we can safely say it was the "baby" year. this year was like no other for daron and i. the most life changing we have experienced yet. we are so excited to see what 2013 brings as we juggle our new family of 3 and continue on the ever changing journey of parenthood.
   

these two...

we have a new routine around here. it used to be that daron would come home, get the mail, walk in the kitchen, we'd hug, kiss, then sit on the couch for 30 minutes and just talk and talk while we cuddled. this was always one of the best parts of my day. probably the best part most of the time. with our new little one, we are still figuring out a routine. since Carter is pretty much on no routine the situation is always different when daron gets home. sometimes i'm feeding Carter, sometimes i'm trying to entertain while trying to make dinner, sometimes he's having a meltdown and i am holding him tight against me to help him calm down. when i'm lucky, he is peacefully in dream land. 

no matter what the scene looks like, daron takes Carter from me, sets him on his lap, and my beautiful baby boy's face lights up. a smile stretches across his face from ear to ear and those bright eyes get even brighter. at first, i convinced myself it was coincidence. "he just happens to get super happy when daron gets home because it's a new face." no. that is definitely not the case. Carter, for now, seems to be a complete and total "daddy's boy." i'll admit. sometimes i am a little jealous. "how come he doesn't smile like that with me!?!?" but the thought is fleeting. i am immediately taken by the scene of my baby boy so fixed on his dad, starring at him for what seems like forever, and smiling and giggling

at his every move.

well, i can't believe tomorrow is already friday.

this week zipped by me.

this weekend has lots of plans as we have 2 birthday celebrations, daron's parents are in town (!), and of course, plans to hang around and have fun times with dad

all day long.

hooray for weekends. truly.

disneyland + 2 months

daron is at Disneyland today. if you knew how much i love Disneyland, you know I am crying inside. his generous boss decided to take the entire company. nbd ya know? when daron told me he would be going to the happiest place on earth without me I basically felt like Carter having a grand mal meltdown. I lost it. I have only been telling daron for the past 3 years how bad I have been craving to go there. for 3 years i have been fantasizing. now daron is living my dream and definitely not appreciating it like i would. sigh...

so while daron is on space mountain and splash mountain and thunder mountain and California screamin' (oh i looove California screamin'!!) i am with our sweet, precious baby who had his 2 month apt today.

i found out our little munchkin' is not so little anymore as he is only ounces away from doubling his weight. according to our pediatrician he is thriving...yeah, i'll admit it. it made me a proud mama to hear that word "thriving."

it was an interesting thing sitting in that office. i couldn't help but think back to the last time i was there. Carter was 2 weeks old, i was a walking zombie, i was anxious, i felt incredibly inadequate, i remember thinking on more than one occasion, "is this my life now? forever?" i was... overwhelmed. (i realize now sleep deprivation will do that to you.) my new 24 hours a day, 7 days a week job took adjusting, a lot of adjusting. but now that i have embraced the fact that indeed "life will never be the same," it's funny how it has become so much better. my baby has opened a whole new world of joy and happiness to me that i never knew existed. and for that, my heart is so thankful to him.

the day he laughed

since our baby boy smiled, daron's favorite pass time has been to play with him until he sees that gummy grin. a few days before Christmas he had Carter on his lap during the mid morning hours.

Carter was peering up at him...

then daron started patting his hands together, like he always does to get him to smile.

 (this patty cake thing that daron does is good.

it gets Carter to smile

every single time.

i have yet to find a trick to work that consistently!

daddy's touch i guess...)

 

^(that smile starts to form)

and gets bigger...

and then...

he giggled.

an open mouth laugh.

i was so caught off guard.

i gasped in shock

me- "did he just laugh!?"

daron- "he definitely did."

me- "really!?!?"

i heard the laugh, i just couldn't believe it.

i wasn't expecting a giggle to come so soon!

 

we still have yet to hear it again...

maybe, just maybe it will be his mama that makes him do it the 2nd time...

oh, how much we have to look forward to!