yummy autumn

we drove the alpine loop last night.

something i had never done before.

it was incredible. 

fall is incredible.

i, like everyone that lives in a state with a gorgeous fall season,

am obsessed with this time of year.

how could you not be!?

daron took these wonderful pictures and

i love them. 

all i kept thinking is how delicious they looked!

i had to concentrate on not gasping

so that i wasn't gasping at every turn.

i loved watching daron take pictures.

he wanted to stop at every turn too. 

he is, by far, the photographer in this family/ 

the creative one/ the better decorator/ etc... the list goes on.

he has a lot to teach me ...

i am so grateful for him.

there will be someone who can take descent pictures of our little guy.

who, by the way, is a whoppin' 32 1/2 weeks.

oh, how i just want to kiss him ...

can i kiss him already!?

a 30 week baby bump

oh how this little fella' is growing. hopefully big and strong. do you think frozen yogurt and resees peanut butter cups help with that? i am hoping so! :)

this belly is a very funny thing.

i will feel it stretching 

(literally. i feel my insides pulling.)

every time it does ... i have a panic attack.

then, a week or maybe 10 days will go by and

i don't feel anything and i get used to my belly.

then i start lookin' in the mirror thinkin'
"dang girl, your belly is tiny!!"

then ... the process happens all over again.

 i stretch for days. panic. 

adjust. 

stretch.

panic.

adjust.

it's kind of a fun game.

daron is prob glad that there is an end in sight though ...

tradition has started that every night daron and PAT

have, what we call,

"tummy time"

we are both obsessed with trying to figure out what body parts

we are feeling. 

daron thinks he knows ...

i can't tell at all.

constant hiccups are PAT's new thing ...

those haven't been my fav. 

but daron keeps telling me it's a good thing he is hiccuping.

i'm not sure why.

i just feel so bad for the little tyke.

i mean, who likes the hiccups?

with all the good and bad, i can already tell i am going 

to miss being pregnant.

the experience, thus far, has truly been surreal

and more than anything i could have imagined.

it really has exceeded my expectations

in all aspects.

i've never been more proud to be a woman

than at this time in my life right now.

i am so incredibly grateful.

3rd trimester insomnia. let the "no sleep" preparations begin!

(daron giving "PAT's" stroller a test drive)

last night i couldn't sleep. like ... really couldn't sleep. as in, i was begging for morning to come and looking at the clock multiple times wondering when daron would start stirring and the sun would come up. this never happens to me. ever. i sleep like a rock. always have. i felt one CA earthquake all growing up because it happened to be at recess. the others, that were actually newsworthy, all happened in the middle of night. i slept through every single one of them.

i have always been so proud of my ability to "die" (as my sister shalice would describe it) at night time. but oh, how things are changing. for the past 2 weeks i have gotten up multiple times a night. a good morning is when i wake up remembering only getting up 2 or 3 times versus  8 or 9. i now am experiencing what it is like to lay there in bed with only your thoughts. i think it's possible i am also getting just a small glimpse of what it is like to be a parent ... ? 

there was one thing that helped me get through the agonizing "why aren't i asleep yet" hours ... that was daron. lately, along with insomnia, at 30 weeks pregnant i am extremely hot all the time. daron says he can feel me even when i am a foot away from him while laying in bed. let's just say this doesn't motivate him to cuddle with me at night time (especially since the desire to is pretty small to begin with ... ) but last night he lent out a small gesture that at least let me know he was trying. 

i was laying on my side with my feet curled up facing away from him and he gently held my foot in his hand. i know i really love this guy ... because just him grabbing my foot instead of my hand (which is too hot) uplifts my spirits. it sounds odd as i write it. and sort of ... pathetic. but i loved every second of it. i didn't want him to let go. there is something about feeling him next to me that is so incredibly comforting and a feeling that is irreplaceable. it's like the moment i feel him all my little worries and irrational thoughts find a little hiding place where i forget about them and i breathe a little easier. 

(to demonstrate how irrational i am ... i have this overwhelming thought that i am going to die in my 50's and so daron and i won't grow old together ... and it makes me really upset. because i really want to grow old with daron. like in our 90's old. i know i will be with daron forever because we were married in the temple. but i want to spend this whole life with him too. needless to say, if someone were to ask me my biggest fear ... this would definitely be it)

i don't know what causes me to stress about hypothetical situations that aren't even possibilities at the moment. maybe it's my personality. maybe it's the baby in my belly. maybe it's the hormones. maybe it's just me. but when the crazy thoughts do come, i am grateful i married a man that can calm my fears by the simple act of holding on to my foot while he sleeps ...

CA and miss Ellie Layne

c

i have been in CA for the week for a friend's homecoming from her mission in france. the trip is lasting a little longer than expected but who can complain about that? the weather here is my absolute favorite. it's overcast in the morning with a soft mist that covers the plants until early afternoon. by noon the sun is out in full force. 

i snapped these shots of ellie the first day i was here. i can't believe how much older she seems every time i see her. her new thing is an obsession with belly buttons. she learned where hers is and now is curious about everyone else's. at first i was very confused why she would lift up my dress and say "buh buh. buh buh" when i realized what she wanted i thought "ohh do i have the belly button for you girl!" at 28 weeks pregnant it's made quite the transformation.

my mom and i marvel at her little life here. she is smothered with love at every possible moment. and my mom, as her grandmother or "sweetheart" (as the grandkids call her) has the role of never saying "no." ellery and i laughed about how little ellie gets the grandma treatment every single day though. it just makes me think about how when you are younger you want to be older soo bad...at least i did. i can remember dying to shave my legs, dying to wear make up, dying to do my hair like my sisters. i was so fascinated by them doing their hair with the blow drier and the round brush. i used to think, "when i do that to my hair that means i am so much older and so beautiful." now i laugh at how appealing it is to be 1 years old again. your worries consisting of a binky and your mama.

and of course if you can get enough of that fudge popsicle...

Pink or Blue?

i caved in! 
i wanted so badly to not find out the sex of our baby...
but i thought daron may have a heart attack.
(slight exaggeration. but only slight :)

after great persistence in telling me 
1,234 reasons of why we should find out
(trust me i heard it all)
i finally told him the night before our 20 week ultrasound
that i was up for it.

and i'm happy to say i haven't regretted it.
i definitely could have gone this whole pregnancy 
without finding out,
but hey,
here's to marriage and 
future pregnancies!
i am planning on getting my dream
of a surprise one day...
i guess we will just have to wait and see.

i will never forget daron during that ultrasound.
out of no where, he blurted out,
"it's a boy"
in this calm yet i-can't-contain-myself-right-now
type of voice. 
all i kept saying was,
"where!? where!?"

the kid studied ultrasounds in hopes of sneaking a peak
in case i never came around. 
does that boggle your mind?
it did mine. never would have thought to do that...
but hey, his studying paid off!

before we went in, we both made final guesses.
daron guessed it was a boy from the beginning.
me on the other hand, i was clueless.
i could not decide.
i'm starting to wonder about the whole
"mother's intuition thing..."??

after we found out, we were both thrilled.
i would have been happy with either, 
but picturing a boy with daron has been 
really exciting.
i hope the little tyke looks exactly like him...

only 3 more months until we see!

and she popped!

it's true!

this belly is here.

and it has become my favorite thing.

daron and i spent last week in lake powell 

and there was a night where i knew, i knew this belly was comin'.

i kept telling daron, and i know he didn't believe me until yesterday morning

when i lifted up my shirt for him.

i'll never forget his face. 

i thought his eyes were going to pop out.

 all he said was,

"wow"

i know this belly has a long way to go.

daron and i are both in for a treat.

but it's amazing how it feels like it

literally grows over night.

so there we have it.

24 weeks this belly is officially here. 

i have a feeling i will have a love/hate relationship 

with this belly by the end,

so for now

i'm just gonna soak it in.

Baby Mango

i am 19 1/2 weeks along and this baby is already the size of a cute little mango.

it is starting to recognize my voice, use its eyes, and kick me constantly.

each week, i am in desbelief at how fast this pregnancy is going.

this baby isn't even out yet and i want to press the pause button.

for some reason i have always imagined pregnancy dragging on forever.

my experience has been the complete opposite. i want time to stand still because it is rushing

by so quickly.

the first trimester was definitely a doozy.

i really have nothing to complain about because everything was "pregnancy normal"

and comparatively, i know i had it pretty good. but i definitely was thrown for a loop.

i felt like i was dropping all the balls of life all at once.

exhuastion, nausea, and "insatiable hunger" (as i like to call it)

took over.

i was falling asleep at random times and was convinced that i had turned into a slug. 

it was a pretty crazy feeling having this tiny, itty,bitty thing take over so much demand of my whole body.

every time i went out running, my legs felt like lead. 

now, i just have those days every once in a while.

i am starting to get that little baby bumb that sometiems says hello

(depending on what i wear).

the "chubby phase" as i hear many call it was pretty interesting.

clothes were not my friend. i would try on outfit after outfit 

(if you know me, i do not try on multiple outfits)

and then exasperated, i would tell daron

"daron, i HAVE to find something that flatters my body!!!

or i might go crazy."

daron's response, "i don't know if that's possible."

i didn't laugh at this the first time.

then he explained to me what he meant. then i laughed. really hard.

going through pregnancy with him has been a memorable experience for sure.

truly cracks me up every time we have a "wow, our brains think so differently moment."

today is a big day. we have our 20 week ultrasound where we will finally get to see the little one.

(since we will be in powell over my 20th week, my midwife let us come before)

i do not want to find out the sex. at all.

daron wants to find out the sex really.really.really bad.

that has been interseting to say the least.

he frequently proposes different ways to find out what the sex is hoping i will change my mind.

it's so unfortunate we are completely opposite on this issue.

a few weeks ago, he dubbed the baby PAT. saying since we don't know what the baby is, he will just have to call the baby PAT because he is tired of calling the baby "it." his hopes were that i would get so sick of the name i would drag him to the ultrasound and make us find out because i would get so tired of him calling our baby PAT.

unfortunately for him, everytime he says it, i think it is incredibly hilarious. i laugh every time.

overall it has been the most incredible experience being pregnant. it is everything everyone said it would be

and more. because, well, this one is my very own.

i have thought a lot about how for so long i complained and complained about having to push babies out because i was a woman.

it just seemed so unfair!

i have learned how wrong i was.

i haven't gone through labor yet, but i feel i can confidently say the most unfair thing is that

we, as women, get to carry the baby

the whole entire time.

we, as women, get to feel their every little move day after day.

we, as women, experience things with our babies that men physically cannot.

who knew that, at times, it's actually unfair for the men??

i didn't.